2011 Keepers

Dear Fantasy Baseball Diary,

The Knights are ready to roll this year and our returning cast members have been chosen...

From Boston, he's a power hitting lefty who doesn't care how big your park is.  Whether it's Petco, Fenway, or a date with your sister, he's taking it deep. This Hispanic first baseman is so consistent, the Arizona state troopers know exactly where he is at all times, just 'cause.  The Red Sox new corner man and field care advisor, the Hispanic Who Causes Panic, ADRIAN GONZALEZ.

This little bird out of St. Louis is a power hitting righty with speed.  He's an outfielder who has a lot in common with Lindsay Lohan.  They are wealthy, they have the ability to go both ways, and the two regularly steal while on camera.  Pitching to this stud is never a holiday, and the pitcher's destruction is in the Cards.  MATT HOLLIDAY.

Now, out of Seattle, where this younger pitcher rains down with Starbucks-powered authority.  Not only does he eat innings, his physique suggests a great many other things as well.  He strikes out the side of the order with a side of fries, and he does it all with an ERA low enough to rival the number of women who have slept with me.  Truly a Knighted king among serfs.  FELIX HERNANDEZ.

And finally, a new arrival.  From Colorado, where the Rocky Mountains aren't the only thing towering over opposing hitters.  He threw the first no-hitter in Rockies history and just like a rufi, he operates as well in Coors as he does anywhere else.  The Right Handed Desperado from Colorado.  The Strikeout Yield from Coors Field.  The Unpronounceable Name of the Game.  UBALDO JIMENEZ.