Borowski Going On DL & Other News

"Let's Face it, Jerry, I've Always Been Disabled;
I'm Just Now Getting the Recognition for it."

Joe Borowski went on the DL with a strained tricep. At least that's what the Indians are telling the press. My sources asked Cleveland Manager Eric Wedge why Borowski was headed for the DL, off the record. Irritated, Wedge said, "Um, I don't know, maybe because he's fucking Joe Borowski?"

Tou che.

*****

If Miguel Tejada Was a
D&D Character He'd Be a +2

It was revealed today that Miguel Tejada SS HOU lied about his official age and is apparently at least two years older than his reported age of 31. It makes sense though. Here's a regular picture of Tejada...



Now, here's Tejada close up...

*****

"He's My Guy."

On a non-fantasy baseball note, a high school team in Japan was hit up for 66 runs in only 2 innings of play. After the pitcher for the losing Kawamoto technical high school baseball team threw nearly 250 pitches in 2 innings, the game was mercifully ended. When asked to explain leaving the pitcher in for so long, the Kawamoto coach said, "I debated leaving him in, but then I thought, 'What would Dusty Baker do?'"

*****

An Exerpt From Cleveland Closer Joe Borowski's New Book

Excerpt from...

Blowing A Save, The Major League Way

by
Cleveland Indians Closer
Joe Borowski

"Listen, we've all been there. It's 4-2, the Angels are up, and you want to blow your save. Follow these quick and easy steps and you too can blow saves like a major league pitcher. And keep in mind, even though this isn't an instructional video, if it was I'd be doing something like this...
















Step 1. Retire the lead-off Chone Figgins on three pitches. This will give anyone who has you on their fantasy team a lot of hope.
Step 2. Check out that chick in the front row. Holy shit. Those have to be D's time two.
Step 3. And she has a friend! You gotta tell Sizemore about this.
Step 4. Okay, now walk Gary Matthews. Gary will wink at you. There'll be some H.G.H. waiting in your locker.
Step 5. Allow a single to Vlad. Don't worry if you can't do it, he'll make sure it happens.
Step 6. Walk Garret Anderson.
Step 7. Shit, that chick in the front row is leaving! Try to get Sizemore's attention. He's hitting on someone else. Ah, come on Grady, that's grade D at best. These girls are USDA Top Shelf!
Step 8. Give up a grand slam to Torii Hunter, also known as the Notoriious Hunter.

You've done it! Now, go get some tail."

Look for Borowski's next book, out in October, Knoblauch Your Game To The Next Level.

Bobbert Abreu Bends To My Will!

Dear Fantasy Baseball Diary,

Today, Shane gained a lot of ground on my overall lead. It made me sad. I didn't like it. I get the text from him today...

"I'm comin for ya!"

If I had this picture on my phone I would have replied with it...














Shane had Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes throwing today, which is a conundrum. I have Bobby Abreu, Yankee outfielder; Shane and I are neck and neck in the Pitching Wins category; I am under-performing offensively. So do I have Abreu take a dive just so Hughes doesn't get the run support and, therefore, the win?

Yes. Yes I do.

And it all worked out, because even though the Yankees won, they didn't pull ahead until reliever Joba Chamberlain -- proud member of The Knights -- came in, giving me the win. And who hits in the winning run? One Bobbert Abreu...

I'm losing my lead so I need to enjoy this fortunate turn of events...

Go, Season, Go!

Dear Fantasy Baseball Diary,

So the season is underway and already CBS Sports is impressing me with its flattering headlines of my players.

"Carlos Guillen A Terror On Opening Day"

Obviously, Guillen is mine, so... nice. But the headline alone doesn't quite show the full extent of Guillen's terrorizing. Here's actual footage obtained by Fantasy Baseball Diary...

Play Ball!

Dear Fantasy Baseball Diary,

Tonight was the first MLB game (minus the games they played in Japan), played between the Washington Nationals and the Atlanta Braves. It was a solid game. A lot of broken bats for some reason.

But what a freaking finish! Nationals 3B Ryan Zimmerman hits a walk-off HR to cap the first game of the season and the first game played in the Nationals' new stadium.

Brandon owns Zimmerman and appropriately texts me with, "That's what I'm talking about!"

Low points of the game...

• George W. throwing out first pitch
• George W. joining Joe Morgan and Jon Miller in the booth during the game
• Joe Morgan and Jon Miller having a booth/job at all

I had no guys going, so no stats for me tonight.


LEAGUE HIGHLIGHTS

Luke
Nick Johnson 1-3, 0.333 BA, 2B, RBI, R

Brandon
Ryan Zimmerman 1-4, 0.250 BA, HR, RBI, R

Aaron
Mark Teixeira 1-4, 0.250 BA, 2B
Austin Kearns 1-3, 0.333 BA, RBI

Joey
Chipper Jones 1-4, 0.250 BA, HR, RBI, R

Dar
Tim Hudson 78 PC, 7 INN, 3 HA, 3 K, 2 ER, 2.571 ERA, 0.429 WHIP, 3.857 Kd9, QS